Do you ever reflect on decisions you’ve made and only realize in hindsight how critical they were? Or how many lives were effected? Or how decisions made by others significantly impacted your life?

Your choice of where to go to college or which major to pursue set you on a particular course in life. The books you’ve read and the people you’ve gone to for counsel have as well. Even the neighborhood you chose to live in led to different experiences and friendships for you and your children.

As I look back on almost thirty years of marriage, there have been many critical decisions, but none bigger than the one I made in the spring of 1987. Robyn and I had been married for almost two years. We already had one child, Rachel, who was about eight months old at the time. We were attending a “Weekend to Remember” marriage conference at the Hilton in Parsippany, New Jersey.

After one of the sessions, Robyn and I returned to our room to work on one of the projects in the workbook. It was a long time ago, so I don’t remember Robyn’s exact words. I only remember the message I received. And it was this: “You stink as a husband.”

Like I said, I don’t remember the words she used. I’m sure Robyn was kind and diplomatic, but the message was clear: I was doing a bad job as her husband.

And so on that spring afternoon in 1987, just a few months shy of our second anniversary, I made a decision. I would be the best husband I could be. Now I don’t know when Robyn made her decision, but at some point, she must have decided to be the best wife she could be, because she’s amazing.

The decision was just the beginning though. Next, I had to learn what it meant to “be the best husband I could be.” And so I read books, watched what other husbands did well (or didn’t do well) and listened to Robyn.

All these years later, I still have work to do. There are definitely areas where I can improve. But I’m much further along than if I’d never made that decision in 1987.

How about you? Will you choose to be the best husband or wife you can be?

If you don’t, you’re faced with three alternatives. And none of them are good.

1. Divorce. The consequences are devastating. For me at least, this was never going to be an option. So what’s left?

2. Settle. You can settle for whatever kind of relationship you have now and understand it won’t really get any better. Your marriage will never be thrilling or exciting or intimate. At best, you’ll live together as roommates who may or may not get along.

3. Death. You can hope for an early death for yourself or your spouse. That doesn’t seem very appealing though, does it? Of course, it’s what some people choose. Several years ago, I wrote a post, “45 Ways to Slowly Kill Your Marriage.” You can find it at my other website by clicking here. These are some of the actual search terms people have typed into Google that led them to that post:

• “how to kill your marriage”
• “how to kill your wife slowly”
• “how to kill your husband slowly”
• “how to kill your husband in bed slowly”

When faced with the alternatives, choosing to be the best husband or wife you can be looks like a pretty good option. It’s not easy though. It takes effort and intentionality. That’s why I’m writing my next book, “The Marriage Experiment: a 30-day intimate adventure.” It will release in time for Valentine’s Day and will give you very practical tools and tips for connecting with each other spiritually, emotionally and sexually…and being the best you can be.